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Be Kind to Yourself B.K.T.Y.!

SOMETHING FOR EVERYONE

A lifestyle blog for women who make things happen.

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*Sharing intimate information between friends.*

If it is weighing you down, let it go and learn to say NO. My whole life, I have been a people pleaser. I believed that if someone needed my support, I would be there for them. Will you help me do this? Can I borrow that? I need to drain you of your optimism today. Describe anyone, you know? A chronic taker.  My mindset was that if you asked me to help you and needed it, I did not see any harm in saying yes. Sometimes I should have said no. Well, most of the time, in hindsight. 

Was I naïve to believe in reciprocity? Yes. I kept being disappointed by thinking that although I helped a friend move, kept their child, or helped them with a particular project, I could count on them to do the same for me. It was an unreal expectation. Don’t get me wrong I don’t believe in tit for tack or being supportive with conditions. I do think that if I am there for you that you will be there for me. WRONG. 

It took me a while to figure it out, and a few times, I cried myself to sleep after being let down by someone who drained me the most. Ask yourself, is it a parent, sibling, friend, boss, or bff? Everyone should be able to relate.  We all have a taker in our life. Are you a taker or a giver? I am a giver of support, time, love, encouragement, but I have learned to say NO. One day I couldn’t do it anymore. The giver has issues as well.

I launched my personal campaign to start saying no to people after I had been let down one time too many. Plus, takers don’t know how to replenish. Or they are merely selfish.  Believe it or not, this describes the giver as well. I purged myself of those individuals who did nothing to support me. It felt odd at first. However, I slowly got the hang of it. If you are a people pleaser and need help learning to say no and not be taken advantage of, here are some ways to help get you started. No more jumping every time someone asks you to do something. First, you need to know this.

Takers are: self-focused and will always put their own needs ahead of yours. They gain the most in any situation and contribute less to all interactions.

The giver/taker relationship is a train wreck waiting to happen because both the giver and the taker are broken in some way.

Pay attention to the taker motive especially when the giving is expected this is a significant warning sign

Be clear on the giver’s need to fix something. Givers often like robbing the takers of the joy of giving mainly when they are used to giving

Givers cannot receive because of their pride.

Here are some ways to learn to say no.

1. Just say NO you can do it let the words come out of your mouth without hesitation

2. Be confident but polite- I am not going to be able to accommodate you, I have something else on my plate, and I don’t have the band-with to take on anything else

3. Set boundaries- I don’t have the time to help you right now, plus you can hire a moving company for a reasonable price.

4. Be firm- mean what you say. Don’t beat around the bush. No, I am unavailable

5. Understand who you are telling no- Is this person a master manipulator who needs help with everything all of the time. Doesn’t matter what it is they will solicit your help

6. Reverse the question back on to the person asking you- Next month, can I stay with you for a week while my house is getting painted?

7. Be selfish- your time is yours and so is your energy

Saying no is a process, and you might wonder how you will say no and not feel bad about it. The giver needs to understand why you are turning someone down. If saying no makes you feel aggressive, you are not rejecting them. So, don’t feel guilty. And don’t be worried about not being liked. I don’t claim to have all of the answers and reasons for why you should learn to say no to takers. I do know that I have gained more respect from people, and I don’t mind being told that I have changed. Because I have. Please let me know who they takers are in your life?

Al healthy relationship is about each party being devoted to helping each other.

*Serious Information Between Friends.*

Many suburban moms are finding relief smoking weed.  It seems that parenting and cannabis go hand and hand for those moms who are looking for relief from the day to day pressures of parenting. Mothers post selfies of themselves with glasses of their favorite pinot grigio or cabernet consistently. No one judges them. How would you feel if moms started posting selfies behind a cloud of smoke? We joke about needing an adult beverage from time to time, but the conversation is different today now that women have  places such as a cannabis café to hang out. What’s your preference wine or cannabis?

How would you feel knowing a mother you know posted a picture of herself using a vaping pen? I would cringe. However, I would not be as judgmental if I were a smoker. My vice is red wine. Would the mom who posted a picture of herself at a hookah club get the same amount of likes that she might receive drinking wine? I don’t think so.

Nevertheless, suburban moms are secretly getting high off weed now that it is legal in many states. I tried marijuana in my teens, but it did not work for me. I felt silly puffing on a joint. Now that edibles are on the market , I might feel differently. I know first-hand the stress that comes with parenting two children, running a household, and holding a full-time job. It’s overwhelming, to say the least. Occasionally, I am looking for a mental escape that I can only find after having a drink. I know it sounds contrite but it is the truth.

Let go of the image of the stoned hippies smoking weed. These days, soccer moms are the new face of cannabis users, some ashamed and some out in the open embarrassment. I have a friend who began using cannabis weed to help her cope with postpartum depression PPD after the birth of her third child. Another mom who l volunteer at the local community center for seniors told me that she cannot go to sleep without having her nightly gummy bear. Stop the judgment.

Let’s face it. Having a joint is a new coping mechanism for many people.  The challenge is choosing the doctor who will give you a prescription and then finding the right strain for your condition. If I had a situation that could be treated using cannabis, I would not live in misery by being ashamed. I would get a prescription.  There are women who have children who are smoking weed daily. Here are some of the things I have learned from suburban moms who indulge:

1. Smoke when you are alone, not with the kids

2. Never smoke and drive you can still get a DUI 

3. Only smoke when someone is available to help with the kids

Moreover, the moms I mentioned believe that they are better at parenting after a few puffs. Their patience increases, they have more energy to play with the kids and feel calmer. I would like to mention that smoking  the good stuff matters. “Medical grade” Yes, there are some consequences, such as getting the munchies. Here are is a cheat sheet for our readers.

1. Smoke after you eat, you will already be full from having a good meal

2. Have an edible rather than smoking a joint. Edibles often have more potency

3. Try cannabis oil, they have low traces of TCH, so they won’t get you high as high

4. Cannabis beauty and skincare products have become more widespread and legalized in many states. The is a cream for sore muscles

5. Yeah you can drink weed now, cannabis beverages have not reached the mainstream, but they are on the way

6. There is such a thing as cannabis capsules

7. If you don’t want to get high alone, there are cannabis treats fro man beats friend. Dogs

What are your thoughts on the cannabis community? Do you think it’s okay for a mom to smoke occasionally?

*Exchange of Information between Girlfriends.*

Shelly the Sommelier (Wine expert)

Shelly (fictitious name) is a self-proclaimed wine expert who doesn’t know what a Sommelier is.  While she does have experience drinking wine from the local liquor store and the luxury of selecting from a copious amount of wine at our local Costco, she doesn’t have any actual knowledge about wine. A sommelier is someone who has undergone extensive wine training. Plain and simple. 

Our friend, the wine specialist, is an expert in knowing what she likes, that’s is all. I know for sure that drinking a bottle of Woodbridge Chardonnay does not constitute one being a wine connoisseur. Nothing against Woodbridge white wine. I prefer red wine. For the record, two of my favorite bottles of red wine are Menaja Trois and Apothic Red.  You can find them both at Costco, Target, Walmart, Walgreens, or your local drug store. Neither will break the bank. I find that some women know it all. ME, I AM SOME WOMEN. I say that vehemently LOL. 

Red wine is known as resveratrol and heart-healthy. In moderation, red wine may help with heart disease, the condition that leads to a heart attack. In other excellent news, researchers have found that red wine can treat depression and anxiety. A glass of wine with dinner may also put at a lower risk for dimension. But in moderation.

Wine is the beverage of choice when you are in a certain mood. Wine tends to soak up the earth. What I mean by soaking up the ground is that it reflects the environment and geography from which it was harvested. I love me a good Napa Valley wine primarily because I was raised in a county for which wine is plentiful. Another thing I love about wine is how women have the best conversations while drinking it.  Especially those Intimate discussions with explicit details too.

My girlfriends and I have wine when discussing serious topics.  How this habit was formed is beyond my understanding. For example, discrimination in the workplace, infidelity, spousal emotional abuse, or merely gossiping about pop culture. Regardless of when you drink it and who you drink it with, establish a village of women to do so. I say this because often times, women who have only one friend can wear that friend out with complaining.

 You know the friend who is struggling with getting a promotion?  I guarantee you this friend will have a problem weekly as to why she may being sabotaged at work. Typically, she is. Let’s face it. If and when you are a threat, you can and maybe the target. 

You might be the friend who has a cheating spouse, and you don’t want to divorce him because you haven’t worked in years and don’t want to change your lifestyle. No matter what your issue is, find you SEVERAL friends who will talk you off a cliff and potentially help you save your marriage. I have three suggestions about marital problems.

*Seek out friends who are married and who understand the highs and lows of a marriage.

*I don’t encourage that you talk to your single friend who has never been married about relationships unless she is a therapist. Even then, I am on the fence about her expertise. There is nothing better than a lived experience. 

*Bitter women can be your worst nightmare. If your friend believes all men are the same,  don’t have a conversation about your cheating husband with her. Period.

While there are common traits in men who cheat, some men change their ways to save their marriage.

The other thing I like about wine is unlike beer, it will not cause belly fat, but can potentially cause weight gain if you have wine nightly with a big bowl of ice cream, cheesecake, chocolate, or chips. I would try these snacks if you just have to have something.

  •   Popcorn
  •   Corn chips
  •   Nuts
  •   Cheese
  •   Olives

Back to you, learning how to build a group of good girlfriends around yourself so that you don’t dump all of your difficulties on one person. First of all, you attract what you are good and evil. The law of attraction applies in all things, but that does not mean we don’t meet friends who are assignments in our life. You are an assignment for someone. I am not excluded!

You know that one friend that you have who taught you that you can’t trust everyone. Some friends envy you and secretly want to be you. 

“You cannot be friends with someone who wants your life.”  Oprah Winfrey 

Life has shown me that I can have more than one best friend. At first, I didn’t believe having more than one best friend as possible. I was wrong. My friends all have different connections with me. No one has a full understanding or a 100% understanding of my thought process. I know two friends who will think otherwise.  If you are lucky, you will have a couple of good friends. I consider myself blessed.

“A real friend is one who walks with you when the rest of the world walks out.”

“Don’t make friends who are comfortable to deal with. Make friends who will force you to level yourself up.”- Thomas J. Watson.

“A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future, and accepts you just the way you are.” -Unknown

A recent Harvard study concluded that having a solid friendship in our life helps with brain health. My friends help me to deal with stress, help me to be strong and help me to rebound quickly. Girl-friends lift each other up!

Here are some of the reasons why you need good friends.

*Friends help you celebrate good times.

*They provide support during bad times.

*You are less likely to be lonely when you have good friends.

*Friends encourage and support one another.

*Having friends help with self-esteem.

*Friends keep you active.

*They are a positive influence.

I love my friends. Do you love yours? Tell me why?

*Strong Heavyweight Dialogue.*

You want to know the truth about tequila? And why it should be your drink of choice if you are watching your calorie intake but want a buzz?  According to research, tequila can help lower blood sugar. Agavins are the sugars that occur naturally in the agave plant. Tequila is produced by removing the pina, heart, of the agave plant, which can vary in weight from 80 to 200 pounds. When stripped of its leaves, the heart is then tequila cooked to remove sap, which is then fermented and distilled.

Tequila is definitely one of the healthier choices of alcoholic beverages.  Pure agave (100 percent agave) is low in sugar. It only has 69 calories per once and no carbohydrates. Thank the distillation process, not me. I am only the messenger.

Furthermore, sugar is shown to help lower cholesterol and help you lose weight. I love that part.  These are the top five tequilas meant to be sipped. Don’t swallow in one gulp unless you are feeling adventurous.

-Fortaleza Blanco

-Don Pilar Tequila  Anejo

-Don Julio 1942

-Tequila Casa Dragones Blanco

-Ixa Silver Tequila

Disclaimer: I have only consumed Don Julio 1942 from the tequila mentioned above.

Every type of alcohol comes with a stereotype for starters.  Wise people drink wine (supposedly), tough people indulge in whiskey. Tequila, on the other hand, is handled by the very strongest of women. Drinking tequila is about having sex appeal. Women who drink tequila believe they are one of a kind. I do. I am hard to come by, harder to keep, and a unique type of lover. Just like my tequila. 

Women who drink tequila typically are independent and on another level. We aren’t afraid to tell it like it is and go for what we want. Do you take your tequila straight up or on the rocks? I like mine straight up with a splash of lemon juice. There are reasons why men are attracted to women who drink tequila. My suggestion to you is to know how to handle yours.

Last week I was visiting my girlfriend who needed some quality time with me. Our careers and personal lives have kept so busy that we have a lot of good stuff to catch up on.  This conversation took me by surprise. My girlfriend is having an affair… with a woman. Why in the heck did she choose me to air out this batch of dirty laundry? I am heterosexual, but I am open-minded about other people’s partner choices. Long story short. She has been sleeping with a woman and believes she is in love with her. Moving on.

Some people say drinking tequila makes them horny. It might be right for them but not for me. I don’t feel horny, I feel unstoppable.  Tequila is not an aphrodisiac, although it reduces inhibitions. If you are horny but unwilling to show it, you may be more inclined after a drink or two.

Whether you love or hate it, the odds are you have been teased about drinking tequila. The non -drinker is always accusing you of being drunk. The friend who needs to take one back occasionally is the accuser. You know the severe friend who still wants to talk about serious stuff but to is so uptight. You end up having an extra shot to be able to deal with her. Let her know that tequila does not get you drunk faster than any other liquor so that she will relax. Chill lady. Get your panties out of a bunch.

Know this about drinking. Drinking tequila- and any other drink for that matter on an empty stomach will speed up its effects. Alcohol travels through the liver, lungs, kidney, and then your brain.  Not in that order. Once you become inebriated, you will have less control over your behavior. That’s precisely what happened to my girlfriend after she began to share her dirty lil secret, while we were having tequila. While sipping on our first drink, she claimed to be having an affair with a man. By the time she had her fourth shot, the truth serum helped her to tell the truth about being with a woman.  I am my sister’s keeper, not the moral police. 

I love that no matter how serious of an issue that I am dealing with in my life. I know that I have a support system of friends who will be there to have tequila with me. Well, at least one other sexy, robust, and independent tequila drinker who is counting calories to watch her weight gain. Do you like tequila? I want to know your favorite. Give me the skinny on tequila.

Why is sex so relaxing?

A study was conducted by Amai Wellness including 24 men and 22 women who kept track of their sexual activities…

Your only limit is your mind.

When was the last time you apologized to yourself for the decisions you made?  Let yourself off the hook for your failures.

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“When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.” -Helen Keller