How I mastered changing my behavior to keep the peace.

 

Have you ever been in a situation that you did not like and could not change your circumstances? I have. The time I got divorced from a jerk. If you cannot change the bump, change yourself. Not the solution you were looking for, I suppose. However, it is the truth. Without investigation co-parenting is one of the most challenging spots to be in. Learning to share the custody of children and the issues that come with the split up. I found that co-parenting takes more work than it did to stay married. It was easier to share time with the kids, cover the cost of healthcare, academics, and regular topics that arise for parenting. I learned that when parents break up, there is about-face of thinking with concern to agreements made in marriage. One example is the decision about the school your child may attend. Another case could be as simple as extra curriculum activities. Why can’t adults get on the same page when it comes to rearing our kids? In some instances, it’s an intentional way to annoy the other parent or a lack of regard for the same things you once loved about each other when you were married. Whatever the rationalism, you cannot regularly go back and forth to court. Let’s say that you go back running back to court most of the challenges parents face are not enforceable. My attorney office advised us to seek out a counselor who can help with decidedness.

Ultimately, it will save both parents money in attorney’s fees. In most cases, during divorce, many jurisdictions allow all parties to agree and decide on a court-appointed co-parenting counselor. I have a few suggestions that will help everyday co-parenting so that each parent has equal power. First, there has been a copious number of people who have been raised by single parents. In fact, I was raised in a single parent, and I turned out fine. Secondly, set an example for your kids by being an adult. Keep in mind that your little people are watching your behavior. If you bad mouth the other parent, you are actually bad-mouthing a part of your child. 

Lastly, whatever your arrangement with the other parent, know that kids crave consistency subconsciously without knowing it. I have a friend in my community who recently got divorced. Her kids spend Wednesdays with their dad and every other weekend with him. My friend felt lonely and sad when her kids were with their father. I recommended that she take time for herself when she was alone. Join the gym, take a pottery class, or have dinner with a friend. Mothers have a difficult time allocating time just for ourselves. One of the things that I reminded her was that before she was a mother or a wife, she was a woman. Try to stay healthy, don’t let divorce turn to poison in your body. Don’t be bitter, angry, or disappointed that you failed at marriage. Be happy that you did not marry a jerk. At least your husband wants to spend a lot of time with his kids. It goes without saying that I married a Jerk. In fact, now that I am divorced everyone reminds me of situations that occurred that screamed run from this man long before our engagement and I ignored the red flags.

My husband had been married once before, I decided that it must have been his ex’s fault because he could do no wrong in my eyes. I was wrong. One time I traveled for work and my husband decided he could sneak to the sports bar while the children were sleeping. Never considered one of the kids would awake in the night looking for him and go outside to the neighbor’s house screaming. Luckily we lived in a safe neighborhood where everyone was actively involved with the kiddos. Idiot. I have been excited to share this entry to tell women that having a failed marriage is not the end of the world, and neither is co-parenting with a jerk. We are finally in the right spot, Our kids are older and have adjusted to going in between both homes. We have not had an argument in a year or so, which is unbelievable. There is still anger simmering at times, but I have learned to stop it before it boils over. Co-parenting is hard. The more we wait on the other parent to change, the more we suffer. I decided that if my ex wanted to continue to be a jerk by challenging all of the choices I make regarding cheerleading or football, the pediatrician, the amount of money to spend on shoes, I would let him decide. You win! It was tuff at first, but once I got the hang of mastering my feelings, I learned that he allowed me to make the final decision. Smart man! I would love to hear from you if you have been successful with co-parenting. What is your secret? How did you compromise?

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